Friends Don't Let Friends Share Songs

There are certain moments in time that are yours and yours alone. One of those moments for me is at three minutes and twenty-eight seconds of “Shine,” by David Gray…If it’s playing and I can hear it, it’s mine and it is not meant for sharing.

I used to play music for people I felt a connection with. I would look at them contently, while I anticipated their core reaction. Unfortunately, as with a tourist commenting on the Louvre’s Pyramid, there was never a satisfactory answer.

Our first instinct is to share a song with a group, friend or significant other; waiting for them to validate our taste in music (we play it for them for no other reason than for them to judge it). Our enthusiasm or disappointment is proportional to the value we place on their opinion regarding our self worth.

Ever overhear someone you dislike tell a friend, “Like, Oh My God!!! You like totally have to listen to this band called…Sugar Rose (Sigur Ros) or something. They are like amazing.” What happens to you internally? Well if you feel connected to a band like Sigur Ros, your brain holds an emergency board meeting to discuss the ramifications of being associated with a song or group liked by THAT person!!! You try to calm yourself down by rationalizing that it’s just a phase (not a reflection on you) and that person is just a tourist visiting. "Just close your eyes and it will be all over," you tell yourself, "they will be back with Taylor Hicks soon enough."

However, if we feel a strong emotional connection to someone, playing a song for them is like Vince Vaughn sharing his intestines with us in “The Cell.” We are not sharing a song. There is no song. Just guts.

But why do we do it? One way to distinguish yourself while simultaneously connecting yourself with others is through your musical tastes. This person is not judging music; they are judging us. Our brain says we want you to love the music, thus validating me, but our mind says that you will never possibly understand what this (song/group) means to me. You couldn’t possibly - no matter how badly we want that mutual connection. That song has a personal history with raw emotion, context, and imagery. Your friend may truly love the song you play, but your internal music video will be completely different than theirs.

The irony is…when you find someone who seems to fully embrace YOUR song; you will often subconsciously resent them for their attempt to understand your soul. So in the future, recognize that while certain music provides the soundtrack for my life, I will never ask you to directly comment on my soundtrack because...

"Your sooooooooooulllllllll’s the one thing you can’t compromise!!!”